Ye Canna Change the Laws of Physics
A short look at the wit and wisdom of Scottie from Star Trek....
I’m preparing some more essays based on the work of Ivan Illich, but in the meantime for a little light relief…..(these essays are non commerical, all quotes used under the Fair Use policy)
Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been.—Einstein.1
Engineers are in my opinion one of the most underappreciated members of society and perhaps part of the problem is that they don’t get much representation on TV or film.
One notable exception to this is the 1970s Paramount Pictures TV series Star Trek, I’ve always loved its much put upon Chief Engineer, Montgomery Scott played by Canadian actor James Doolan, whose parents came from Northern Ireland (Doolan was a former Normandy veteran where he lost a finger from friendly fire and was lucky to survive).
Scotty is usually found on his own down in the bowels of the Enterprise, at the receiving end of metaphone orders barked from the bridge by Captain Kirk, but often pushing back on the captain’s more unreasonable requests ‘ye canna change the laws of physics!’. He keeps the whole show on the road while wearing the 22nd century equivalent of oil stained overalls, a red and black top, and wields a variety of 22nd century spanners and tools.
He also doubles up as the Enterprise’s transporter operator (the only part of the show I consider unrealistic, what engineer do you know that moonlights as a bus or train driver?) so he rarely gets to do the fun stuff that Kirk, Spock and Dr McCoy get to do on their visits on alien planets (and never has an alien girlfriend like Kirk often has) (although many engineers would concur that very often busy Doing The Stuff That Keeps the Show On the Road means that they too miss out on the fun stuff that their colleagues enjoy).
The Scottish accent Doolan uses is decidedly dodgy (it’s a generic American idea of a Scottish accent, so can’t be identified with any particular Scottish region) but that hasn’t stopped several Scottish towns from claiming the Future Birthplace of Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott (in about the year 2224 apparently so you won’t get to meet him).
Scotty is frequently asked to do the impossible by Captain Kirk (hence the ‘canna change the laws of physics’, often has to push his beloved Enterprise to her limits (no apologies for gender bias, there’s only ever been one woman in Scotty’s life and that’s the ship). James Doolan wasn’t ever an engineer himself, but he and the script writers of Star Trek must have known lots, because he definitely nails some of our characteristics, see if you agree with these:
An engineer:
Cuts to The Chase
The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank
Knows Management Always Expects The Impossible
I’m givin’ her all she’s got, Captain! If I push it any harder, the whole thing will blow!
Admiral, we have just finished eighteen months redesigning and refitting the Enterprise. How in the name of hell do they expect me to have her ready in twelve hours?!"
Under Promises and Over Delivers
Do you mind a little advice? Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want. Geordi La Forge: Yeah, well, I told the Captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour. Scotty: How long will it really take? Geordi La Forge: An hour! Scotty: Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would 'really' take, did ya? Geordi La Forge: Well, of course I did. Scotty: Oh, laddie. You've got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker..
Scotty: Eight weeks, sir. (as Kirk opens his mouth) But you don't have eight weeks, so I'll do it for ya in two. Kirk: (considers) Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four? Scotty: Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?
Always Leaves a Margin
Scotty: Shunt the deuterium from the main cryo-pump to the auxiliary tank. Geordi: The tank can't withstand that kind of pressure. Scotty: Where'd you get that idea? Geordi: What do you mean, where did I get that idea? It's in the impulse engine specifications. Scotty: Regulation forty two slash fifteen, pressure variances on IRC tank storage? Geordi: Yeah. Scotty: Forget it. I wrote it. A good engineer is always a wee bit conservative, at least on paper.
But Can Be A Wee Bit Obsessive :
(Scott is at a monitor, reading, when Spock and Kirk enter.)
KIRK: Another technical journal, Scotty?
SCOTT: Aye.
KIRK: Don't you ever relax?
SCOTT: I am relaxing!
SCOTT: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow, sir.
KIRK: I see. And that's when you hit the Klingons?
SCOTT: Yes, sir.
KIRK: You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they insulted me?
SCOTT: Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.
KIRK: All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.
SCOTT: (big grin) Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.
But Knows Engineering Is Fun!
I like this ship! You know, it’s exciting!”
I may be captain by rank… but I never wanted to be anything else but an engineer
In 2007 at a Star Trek convention with James Doolan in attendance, Neil Armstrong, the astronaut said:
So, I’m hoping for my next command, to be given a Federation starship,” said Armstrong. And,when I get that command, I would like to have a crew like Captain James T. Kirk had. Spock and Chekov and Uhura and Dr. McCoy and Sulu and the others we all remember.
Now I have a confession to make. I am an engineer. And if I get that command, I want a chief engineering officer like Montgomery Scott. Because I know Scotty will get the job done and do it right. Even if I often hear him say, ‘But Captain, I dinna have enough time!’ So from one old engineer to another, thanks, Scotty.
James Doohan died in 2005 at the age of 85, and after being smuggled onto the International Space Station his ashes are now orbiting Planet Earth: so Scotty was finally beamed up. 2
(Even if this catchphrase ‘Beam me up Scottie’ never actually appeared in the TV series).
firstly the term is applied to all sorts of jobs, from fixing boilers to building bridges or aircraft.
https://www.theverge.com/2020/12/27/22201874/ashes-james-doohan-scotty-star-trek-international-space-station
We need more people like Scotty who love what they do, don’t do a job half-assed and have a great sense of humor which gets everyone through difficult moments.